How to discipline children

I adopted my son when he was 2 years old.  When he was six I took care of a newborn whose mother was a prostitute and whose father was the husband of her grandmother.  I then became a foster parent and had several teenagers to care for.  Then my sister-in-law moved in with my wife and I and she had two sons, both preschoolers and then she gave birth to a girl. 
   My wife wasn't enthusiastic about being a foster parent and she was too involved in her own social life to care much for any of the kids, sad to say, so most of the child rearing duties fell to me.  It wasn't always easy but I learned as I went.  I was a young military man fresh from one war and ready to do it again when I adopted my son.  He was a little bitty fellow and I enjoyed him immensely.  But the was a tenderhearted boy and if it didn't come easy for him he just didn't try.  For me that was frustrating.  I am the type of person that keeps at something until I have mastered it or accomplished my task or goal  so it was a little frustrating with him.  He was a good kid most of the time and he always showed himself to be a man of his word so there really wasn't any need to use corporal punishment with him.  I believe I did a few times but I believe those times were more my shortcomings than his. 
    The last little girls I raised was a pure pleasure.  She was cute, mature, sweet, and knew what she liked and wanted.  Of all the children I helped raise she was the one that brought me the greatest joy.  Only once did I ever see the child upset.  She had a dress that came in two pieces:  one piece was a solid white dress that was really frilly and the other piece was sheer and had strawberries drawn on it and was to be worn over the dress.  One day she had gotten dressed for church and had decided she wanted to wear that outfit.  Her grandmother put the white dress on her put didn't want to bother with the other part.  The child wasn't happy and she became upset.  Her grandmother started yelling at her and at one point even pulled back her open hand as if to strike the child. 
   I heard the commotion and asked what was the matter.  "I explained to her grandmother that the dress was in two parts and while it could be wore separately, the child felt naked without the dress being complete.  She understood and dressed her properly. 
   I wish I had known how to do with my son what I learned by the time I raised my last child.  I learned that each child is different so rules and discipline and play time and all the activities that make up a family have to be different for each child.  A parent cannot be a child's friend yet it isn't necessary to be the power broker either.  I learned to respect each child for the unique person they were and deal with them from a point of respect for their feelings and their needs.  A child looks to a grownup for love, support and guidance and needs our validation.  They don't need our harsh words, orders, or impatient demands. 
   Corporal punishment does have its place.  I remember once on a family and friend outing there were several of us playing horseshoes and one boy would wait until someone was ready to toss their shoes to run out in front of them.  He thought it funny to disrupt our game.  I cautioned the lad three times about the danger and rudeness of his actions but that only seemed to make him more determined.  In my last caution to the kid I also included the punishment  for not heeding my request.  When I swatted his butt he had a shocked look on his face as he had always been allowed to do what he wanted to do, even making fun of his parents, with never a correction.  The swat was never intended to hurt but to enforce the seriousness of the situation.  Being struck by a thrown horseshoe would have been at the very least painful and it would have been irresponsible of us adults not to take proper steps to prevent injury to the boy. 
   Corporal punishment must be a tool in successful parenting but one that should be used sparingly if ever.  Your main tool should be respect for the child and his opinions, viewing the world through the child's eyes,   and recognizing the uniqueness of each individual and dealing with the situation in a rmanner that is best for that particular child.