Mom has been back at home for 12 days now. For those that haven't read my previous posts the story to date is this: Mom is 89, legally blind, and almost deaf and she has bladder control issues. It became obvious back in October that she wasn't capable of taking care of herself so I notified by two brothers. My older brother has financial power of attorney and my younger brother has financial and medical. I just take care of her as best as I can from 110 miles away. I call almost everyday and go take care of her at least once a month. I buy her groceries, do her yard work, and do maintenance on her home and run errands for her. My older brother has her two or three times a year and my younger brother calls her weekly but only chats for a few minutes. I talk to her as long as she needs me too.
Its been sixteen years since dad died and about four years since the state took Mom's driving privileges away. Her only living brother passed away a few months ago. Mom and Junior were close and his death was very hard on Mom.
Anyway my younger brother, the spoiled rich kid, swooped in to save the day. He wanted the three sons to split the cost of an assistant living facility but my share would have been from $100.00 to $300.00 more per month than I make and my older brother didn't want to help at all. Without any discussion my younger brother made the decision to move Mom to Ga. to live with him so he came, packed a few items for her and took her away.
His daily routine was to say hello in the morning and kiss her good night each evening and on occasion invite her to sup with the family but the majority of her time was spent in her room by herself. My brother and his wife each had their cellphones and shared the landline with Mom. The wife became Mom's caregiver which my brother took over all the others parts of her life. His wife controlled what and when she ate. The one thing she could not control was the number of friends Mom had and the fact they called her almost everyday.
As each day went by each phone call seemed to make my brother's wife madder and madder until one day she could take it no more. She called her husband on the phone and told him to take the old lady back to Hickory so he left work immediately, packed her up and took her home. I received an e-mail stating that other arrangements had to be made for her care but no information on when she would arrive or what was to be done for her when he got her home. He did cut the water back on for her and left her with a box of cereal and some milk. He has yet to inquire about her well being and my older brother has shown no interest in her welfare either.
I did receive an e-mail yesterday asking if I knew her new phone number. There was no inquiry as to how she was doing, no sympathy for her plight, nor concern about her whatsoever. I did respond to the email informing them that I do not give out phone numbers belonging to other people. I don't care if she is his mother, it should be her choice to talk with them or not. She can call him if she wishes and give him her number. She is deeply hurt by all that happened so how she handles things should be entirely up to her.
My older brother is now a widower, makes $35.00 an hour and works 60 hours per week and lives in a two thousand square foot house. He also draws social security. My younger brother makes more money than I ever dared dream of making and could have made better decisions regarding her care. I live on social security and have a disabled wife and a house that is probably smaller than my younger brothers living room but I would take her in if necessary. It would be extremely hard on my wife with all her physical disabilities as well as the lingering effects of her brain aneurysm.
I am not as upset with my sister-in-law even though she is the one who kicked Mom out of her house. My brother should never have stuck Moms care on her. Mom didn't need to be held prisoner in a rich mans bedroom either. What I had wanted to do was buy a place or rent a small apartment for Mom close enough to where I live so she could maintain her lifestyle yet close enough so I could give her daily care. When I first proposed this to her my two brothers complained that I was just trying to manipulate Mom so I could get her to live me all her assets. Even if that were true, which it wasn't, their involvement in Moms life would remain the same. One could call her every three or four months and the other could continue making his five minute weekly call. Both brother claim they have no interest in anything she owns anyway.
The only thing I care about is that my Mom is taken care of. I have been there for her for sixteen years now and her will still divides things equally so I just don't believe if she lived closer to me it would make any difference in whom gets what. If Mom ever changes her will it would be because of what they did or didn't do and would have nothing to do with me. Frankly I hope she leaves the will as it is so maybe after Mom is gone then my two brothers can live their life happy Mom is gone and they don't have to ever see me again.
I know you are probably wondering why my brothers don't like me. it's quite simple. My older brothers first wife had five children while married to him and he was the father of the first one only. he propositioned me one night and I turned her down so she got mad and told him I was the one who got her pregnant. Any reasonable man could figure out that I wasn't even in this country when she conceived and it didn't matter anyway as I have medical proof that I am unable to father children.
My younger brother is a jerk and has always been a jerk. When I was in the ninth grade members of the 7-8 grade basketball team came to me and said that my brother was a jerk and they wanted to kick his butt but out of respect for me they didn't. I told them not to let that stop them. Yea, I told my little brother but not for his safety but to protect my friends from getting into trouble because my brother was a jerk.
While he was a college professor I met one of his students and she admitted she disliked him
intensely. His first act as the new head of accounting at a big international company was to fire ever accountant that was under him because "they didn't know hat they were doing." Really? Everyone in the marching band was out of step but him. Amazing.
He was an officer stationed in South Carolina and lived with his wife and was able to continue school and obtain his masters degree .while I pulled two tours of duty in Vietnam and 36 straight months of overseas duty with out a single day of leave yet he claimed I had the easier duty because enlisted me got to decide if they wanted to follow his orders or not. He once told my father that the church he was pastor of was not good enough for him to attend. Once he sat on Moms couch with his feet extended straight in front of him so that when Mom was unloading the car she had to step over his feet to get by. he neither offered to help her nor to move his feet out of her way.
Once, as a Christmas present he gave me nothing while giving my wife and I a small display case about 5 inches high that had been reduced from $12.50 down to a buck seventy five. The jerkiest thing he ever did was at Thanksgiving. I had an idea that my parents myself and my two brothers would take turns hosting Thanksgiving. I had it the first year and he the second. Instead of just family he invited co-workers and friends and he sat with them in the main dining room. He sat my parents and my older brother in another room at a picnic table, and the children sat at a third table in what I suppose of the living room or family room. My wife and I were seated my ourselves in a hallway. Maybe he was offended because my wife was Oriental but that is no excuse to relegating my parents to a second rate table away from his friends and co-workers.
he always tried to blame me for us not being close. When Mom's sister was alive my brother would drive her from Hickory to Burlington to see her. On their way back home in would stop in Greensboro around two pm and call my house to see if they could stop by for a visit. Seriously? Almost everyone with a job is at work at 2 in the afternoon. Even if one worked second shift one could hardly accept company that was as yet 45 minutes away from your home. But he would always claim "I really wanted to see him." Well gosh, if you really wanted to see me why didn't you call the day before and see when it would be convenient or better yet a week or so in advance so maybe I could take a day off from work?
That's what he did when he would come to Hickory on his biyearly visit when he wanted to get together with my other brother to play golf. Me? He had Mom call me at 7am and asked me if I wanted to join my brothers for breakfast. Off course I live two hours away and they had already left home for the restaurant which they had forgotten to tell mom which one they were going to. But he could always claim he really wanted to see me.
Yeah, he's a jerk. Maybe I should have let the basketball team beat him up. I couldn't then and I couldn't do that now. But it is sweet to think aout.
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