Dealing with issues

     

     A half century ago I was about to graduate high school and still suffered from a problem that had plagued me for as long as I could remember.  It was not a problem I could take to college with me and in my first week of college I was terrified my problem had come to school with me.  Fortunately, it didn't.
     My mom had taken me to the doctor once to have me examined to determine what was wrong with me.  The doctor told her it was nerves which Mom explained to me as some doctor had injured me in some procedure causing some nerve damage that resulted in my problem.  To a youngster it sounded reasonable except for the fact I'd never been to the doctor for anything except for a physical and the one time in second grade where I burned my hand, neither procedure was invasive.  No way a nerve was clipped during an invasive procedure. 
   The funny thing is my problem disappeared the very day I went off to college and has never reoccurred.  it seems my nerve problem was caused by my relationship with Mom and not from some doctor error.  it seems like my whole childhood was spent trying to avoid interaction with my mother.  I found her irritating,  abusive,  and totally unreasonable.  She used profanity, a lot it seemed, and always seem to be angry about something.  if my brother and I slept in she would be mad because "you boys will mess up the house I've spent all morning cleaning".  If we got up early  then she'd say "I wish you boys would stay in bed until I get the house cleaned.  You run in and out making it impossible for me to get my work done." 
   If I wore a shirt to school that Mom had just washed an ironed then she'd get mad and yell at me "I just washed that shirt".  I didn't understand why it was such a big deal for me to wear a freshly cleaned shirt to school.  it just seemed the only peace I got was when I was out of her sight or when my dad was home.  So when I finally left home my nerve problem disappeared. 
   No, my problems with Mom were not solved because of the distance but the daily task of avoidance was eliminated.  In fact, fifty years later I still have issues with Mom.  I still find her irritating, and some times unreasonable.  it seems the world should revolve around her and you cannot have a conversation with her unless the conversation is about her.  If I mention I have a cold, it will remind her "I haven't had a cold in 35 years, not since my doctor gave me this special shot."    She never even asks how I feeling but launches into a ten or fifteen minute speech about her health. 
   The crazy thing about it is that I call my mom every day and visit her once a month to do repair work and take her shopping or what ever she needs.  I keep hoping my mom will one day realize how to have a conversation.  If I say I'm sick it would be a shocker if she responded "I'm sorry you don't feel well.  What are you doing to take care of yourself?"  But she's 89 so I think she is the way she will always be.  So I'll just love her in spite of all her faults.  She is, after all, Mom.